The Pose That Held My Transformation

The sun has yet to wake the world that surrounds me but I feel its presence approaching the horizon as I sit on my couch sipping coffee staring at my most recent painting. I am trying to shed some light on the story that is being portrayed before the sun’s rays shine through the window and kiss my skin along with the canvas.

My mind drifts to the moment this pose was captured, I was modeling at a museum for an early morning life drawing class. I remember all the artists whispering that this pose was beautiful and feeling proud of myself for having chose it. Now I am painting that same pose trying to express the beauty it holds both internally and externally.

While in the pose I remember thinking about sitting in this grey area of my life and my identity. A point on my journey which creates sadness and excitement. A very pivotal point that will decide who I truly am and want to become. There is this indescribable grief and confusion running rapid around my mind and heart. I must choose to allow the old version of myself to die. Along with its habits, thoughts and people who fed it in order to recreate a life that is authentic to me.

My future lies unwritten, a canvas brushed only by intuition’s hand. Though the path ahead is unknown, I walk it with a quiet certainty, allowing my spirit to guide me. I am falling in love with this space where faith breathes and God whispers that I am strong enough to rise above. Still, letting go is no gentle act; the weight of old selves, shaped by years I no longer claim, clings like shadows begging not to be forgotten.

This posture holds both vulnerability and strength which mirrors my mind. It is the stillness before transformation as well as the breath of air between collapse and creation. In this pose, I felt the crumbling of the life behind me as the foundation of another rose within. This is a moment in time that represents release, surrender and becoming.

I long to capture these feelings in the final piece. For it is not just a body seated in stillness, but a silent storm of rebirth that stirred beneath my skin as I held this shape for twenty-five minutes, choosing presence, choosing truth, and choosing to begin again.